Champagne Day for the Choughs

Saturday's final against a London Scottish Highlanders / B team proved a Brutish end to what has been an up and down season for the Choughs.

After the sparkling season in MMT4 where the scores were as large as Shieldsy's ego, the promotion brought us up against some much tougher opposition on pitches where the weather seemed to stifle the Moët rugby we were used to playing. The terror conditions combined with some tough challenges in finding and recruiting personnel meant that our lowest point after Christmas we were hanging on to 4th and facing a season that had seemed to have lost the fizz we were showing in the warmer months of early season.

In tough times, tough men step up, but when you haven't got any tough men, you need to rely on good old Mother Nature. Cancellations, walk overs and bonus points all ensured we finished the regular season back in our rightful position of top spot and ensuring a "home" "easy" playoff against Rosslyn Park at Deer Sh1t Park.

The playoff was anything but easy. 1 degree, an inch of surface water, lashing with snow, wind, silly amounts of mud, and all nighter for Ed Shed, ensured it was probably the toughest game many of us have ever played. But the boys showed real bottle, graft and heart. By the end of the game the Mighty Choughs were playing with 2 backs in the forwards, Rory Ling had been carted off to hospital still in his boots and kit, Jomo who had torn a ligament in his wrist, Dave Parker with a dislocated shoulder and Ali Springer hadn't used his hands for over half the game. Still, we did what we needed to do, and with tries from all 5'4 of the captain Choughs and trademark smash from close range from Dave we won 12-5.

The win during Armageddon teed us up against a London Scottish side who we'd humped before Christmas but who now dished out the same treatment on everyone they had played, mainly because they were putting out a team who also play in the league above our 2s.

The final was our opportunity to be promoted 3 leagues in 2 seasons up to giddy heights of Middlesex Merit Table 1. The day started with a first time in Choughs rugby with a lash bus taking us to and from the ground, and not just any old bus, the FA's bus they used to cart around England's footballers around in. Talking of weak, pretty boys, something's didn't change as Al Campbell managed to keep up his 100% record of lateness this season, being the last man on the bus - fortunately that will be Barnes' problem next season.

The Choughs had an embarrassment of riches when it came to support staff on the day, rolling out Ed Abbott and Mr Gilbert as team managers, Rich fisher as forwards coach and Primrose as physio. Despite the military precision of the admin we still managed to not register on the day and missed our team photo opportunity. The Mighty Choughs were forced into a substitution before the game as long term Death Row inhabitant Rob Moore had to bail due to a shoulder injury caused from over training at his first Thursday session of the year - something tells me it will be while before we see him training again. After a long and exhausting warm up, which started before most of the LADS would normally leave their house to get to a game, we were ready for battle feeling prepared and slightly out of breath.

In a rare piece of Met Office accuracy, exactly as predicted, 5 mins before the game the rain started flowing. The Mighty Choughs kicked off playing into the strong wind giving Scottish and their clearly able Fly Half (definitely the best place kicker on the pitch) the advantage of being able to pin us back in our own half.

The early exchanges went to Scottish, piling on the pressure with territory and their Fly Half spraying the ball round to the backs as they tried to get round us. The Mighty Choughs defence was suitably resilient with Max Woodcock showing his typical stimulant induced energy and busting is nose in the process. This was not only bad news for him but also Shed who has held on to the Biggest Snout at LCRFC for years until now.

As the rain got heavier so it played into the hands of the bigger, older and mature Choughs pack. We were dominant at scrum time getting the shove on and turning over ball, and aggressive running from all areas of the forwards started punching holes.

The tide was turning in our favour and the first real chance came to the Choughs who worked the ball blind, the Choco hitting the line at depth and setting up Lloyd down the wing only to by chopped down by their full back in the corner.

The same corner brought us luck shortly after. whilst the defence were distracted by Ken threatening to use one of his steroid filled biceps on them, Ali Springer made some hard yards to get within feet of the line. From the resulting ruck Ben Lewis made full use of his newly found marathon stamina and noodly arms to stretch over the line - 5-0 the mighty Choughs.

The rest of the half proved even as the Cornish battled the wind and made the hard yards through the middle from the likes of "Signing of the Season" Rory Ling and Chris Ambrose whereas Scottish still tried to spin it outside us.

The second half saw the introduction of Sonny Bill Springer as the result of a straight Springer:Springer swap and the impact was identical with Claude battering his way through the middle and flipping the ball out of the back door with ease. As the rain came down harder, so did the pressure, and at about 60 minutes Scottish finally cracked. Once again we almost did them round the outside, only to be called back for a foot in touch. But shortly after in the same corner, Man of the Match JoMo ploughed his way over for the decisive score. A conversion from AC and the Choughs had opened up a 12 point margin with a quarter to go.

The Choughs had the chance to put the game to bed with a penalty for holding on around the 22 to the left of the sticks. Unfortunately for Barnes next season, they'll have a player of AC's inaccuracy and he did as was expected and pushed the ball wide. At some point the Scottish also scored a penalty but I genuinely can't remember when - 12-3.

The selfless Choughs, always wanting to give the crowd a tense game, took one for the team and volunteered to let Scottish squeeze in from close range in the left hand corner. Fortunately the Scottish 10 couldn't quite nudge it over from the touch line, but still it was game on for the last ten minutes. 12-8.

Like Max, Scottish could smell blood, and they piled on the pressure deep into our 22. When we did get some possession it wasn't helped that the dodgy Cornish 9 gave a horror pass to Barnsey that was fly hacked on into our 5m to set up more last ditch defence. Even when we thought we were well clear following Choco's enormous boot downfield, the ref brought everyone back for an offside 10m out. There was still time in the day for Shieldsy to unleash the Shoulder of Doom on his opposite man which really lifted his spirits and provided a story which he recounted numerous times in the following hours. Cornish were really holding on, but we managed it, and when we got 2 quick penalties we managed to clear our lines and even have a couple of quick shoves at their line.

From lineout the ref told us it was last play, all we had to do was boot the ball out, and Ken obliged. A hard fought 12-8 win for the Cornish and 3 promotions in 2 years secured. All we had to do now is collect the trophy, get a good photo, and get thoroughly lashed. 2/3 we did with real aplomb; we still don't have a good winners photo.

After the final whistle and a few rounds of #wearethebest the boys headed to the showers where the real magic started. The cheap Cava and Bucks Fizz (Lloydy) we had brought was sprayed with all the intent of a water cannon at some unemployed protesters.

It was the after game entertainment that the LADS where really there for, the win was just an excuse to do it with a clear conscience and real gusto.

Once we got onto the bus, things stepped up a gear. Jim Mackway, an average coach at best, became an outstanding compère judge and lasher. The second best contest of the day got underway as the Dukes captains, vice captains and players leaving the club got stuck into a head to head drink off. The captains lead by example and showed everyone how not to do it in a contest where more booze evaporated than was drunk. Shieldsy and Linard made a better fist of it but still nothing could separate the teams until the battle commenced of players playing their final games, after a close contest Jonny Morris did what he normally does and got one over his opposite man to win (again) for the Choughs.

It was time for the Choughs captain to get on the Microphone to the usual chorus of "Stand-up" to announce Man of the Match and D1ck of the Day. Those handful of you who have read this article closely will know that MoM was Jonny who had another fine day at the base of the scrum, he will be sorely missed as he goes to Montana to take up "Brokebacking" with his Yankie mates. DoD went to Rob Moore for his final avoidance, but more out of respect for a fine season. The rest of the bus journey was mixed with the usual nakedness, singing and dancing, and trying to close the gap in Shieldsy's teeth with a Champagne bottle thrown in for good measure.

The rest of the night kicked on to the Underdog for Kangaroo Court and the Alexandra for topless chanting. Kangaroo court was under the tight control of Judge Jim and his Counsel Ed whilst Naked Alexandra was lead by Fish of the Day Jonny.

I think we will all agree it was a thoroughly excellent end to a fine day for LCRFC. El Skipitan would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who played this season, and especially to Shieldsy for all his hard work, admin, recruitment and morale boosting.

Next season will be a different prospect as we have lost a few of the stalwarts but the mighty Choughs will be on the hunt for our 3rd final in 3 years.

Until the end of the season dinner, lash on!

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