Who's responsible for him getting a hat-trick?

The collective term for a group of Chough’s is aptly called ‘A Clattering’ (I aim to educate…). This year’s side are always happy to clatter and Saturday took us back to Chiswick to seek revenge on a 2 point loss earlier in the season.

A who’s who of London Cornish players filled the ranks this week with some serious club appearances between them. The likes of Stock, Calvert, Soskin, Pollard, Parsons, Moore, Lindsay, Shield, Newton, Short and Preston no strangers to the black and gold.

The 1230 meet time was adhered to predictably by about three people, with players turning up in dribs and drabs until about half an hour before Kick-Off. With a pretty slow paced warm-up ‘London Cornish 3rd Team the mighty Chough’s’ as we are known for short were in danger of another slow start, luckily things were to change....

3 mins before Kick-off a red faced man in a Chiswick top and beanie hat ran onto the pitch with league rules in his hands. On hearing we had 8 subs he started spitting and saying we could only use 5 players (with 8 interchanges) as we had not pre-agreed it with him before the day. Although strictly this is the rule, we are playing in a social league and every other club usually agrees to let as many people get game time as you have. Sadly this meant that three players didn’t get a game after giving up their Saturday. Huge thanks to Robbie Stewart for offering not only to step out but also running the line all game.

Rather than hinder us this gave us exactly the spark required to fire us up. An angry pre match squeeze was only missing the geordie voice of Stocky doing a Keegan. ‘I would love it….. etc.’

Stealing the South Park Disclaimer……. (All characters and events in this report --even those based on real people-- are entirely fictional.) I shall begin.

The traditional merit league ‘iphone toss’ was won by the Chiswick skipper correctly calling screen up. Strangely he chose the end looking into the sun so the chough’s got the kick-off and the end we wanted.

Chiswick rate themselves pretty highly, they are a well drilled team and have done well in the league this year but their pack were always going to struggle against a huge Chough’s front eight.

A good hanging kick from the boisterous Harry Cox allowed instant pressure from the chough’s defensive line. As usual, rugby started. Chiswick discovered it was impossible to move our pack in the scrum. In the lineout Parson threw his usual sublime arrows, Stocky won absolutely everything in the lineout and our trademark driving maul almost brought tears of joy to the hordes of fans (3 including the two physio’s) on the sidelines.

Some good forward phases resulted in a break and good try in the corner from fan’s favourite and quickly becoming Chough’s stalwart Alex Soskin. Difficult conversion expertly guided wide by top Chough’s point scorer Harry Cox. 5 – 0 to the Chough’s.

Again some rugby happened, the opposition fly half (their captain) started to get tetchy and began to slow down every stoppage in play complaining to the ref. On the pitch the Chough’s pack continued to dominate ably supported by a solid backs line (13 excluded) being marshalled superbly by Ali Lindsay and Harry Cox. With slightly more squad consistency errors were at a minimum. After 25 minutes a huge driving maul was walked over the Chiswick try line wide to the right and touched down, I am unsure of the scorer. A sweetly stuck conversion from out wide sailing through the uprights. 12 – 0 the Choughs.

After this Chiswick got themselves into the game a bit more and a spell of their possession resulted in a well executed 10 / 12 switch finding a gap to touch down under our posts. Conversion hit. 12 – 7 and game on.

With the half ticking down there was still time for another Chough’s score and with phases being built inside the oppo 22 it looked like another forward built try could be on offer, Cox hadn’t read that memo though and with the ball passed out to him in the pocket a solidly struck drop goal split the uprights. This is a real rarity in a league where dropped guts are far more commonplace than dropped goals. 15 – 7 and the half.

The second half brought the following subs; the dynamic Adam Churton for Shorty at 12 and Chough’s legends Rob Moore and Ed Shield into the back row for returning Scotsman Andrew Preston and big Cornishman Dan Masters. Tom Pick and Ryan McGregor would also come on ten minutes into the half.

From what I can remember we started the half the brightest. Another excellent lineout inside their 22 resulting in a great driving maul. As the backs did some shuttle runs, safe in the knowledge they would not be required another try was walked over and touched down by another forward whose name again eludes me. Conversion attempt back to normal and the score was 20 – 7.

Being 60 minutes in, I was getting quite tired by this point being a 20 minute player by trade. But I do remember screams of let’s get the bonus try. This was soon obliged by a carbon copy of the previous 2 tries. Another driving maul being touched down. Suddenly at this point a feeling of nausea swept over me as realisation started to sink in as to who had scored these three tries, no it couldn’t be…. Conversion missed. 25 – 7.

After a standard infringement in the ruck (what’s my tally this year Sosk?) and a complete loss of positional sense in the next phase it was time to get myself off and hand the reins over to Ali. This could not happen until I saw their 12 run through the gap where I should have been and score under the posts though. Conversion hit. 27 – 14.

Shorty was back on for me and Preston was back on the pitch for Ed the Shed who had lost a head-butt battle with a teammate.
With a minute left on the clock the game was won but there was still time for an alleged tip tackle from Preston earning him a yellow and a late try from Chiswick. Unconverted and final score 25 -19.

Really good game for the Chough’s with the final score I feel flattering Chiswick. Great to see some old names back in the side as well as ‘Surrey Lock’ big Pete Calvert returning from injury!

D.o.D – Thom Lang (Shaved his thighs) & Andrew Preston (Sin Bin)

M.o.M Harry Cox (Great work with boot and in defense!) & Some Prop who scored 3 tries, I forget his name.

Match Report was brought to you from Cuff’s Skipper Jamie, as I am known at Chiswick.