Slip ups make for a sad day indeed for the Dukes

Picked up Dix, Dougie and Mowers in my chariot of fire. Gave Dix and Mowers some really funny banter and made Dougie go into the shop for my fruit pastilles. He knows I'm a club legend and he really respects me. At the ground, I gave out some really funny banter to all the lads and they all laughed a lot. They think I'm really funny. A decent warm up - all the other guys did their usual game of touch while me and Wyatt did our pro warm up. We used to play for really good teams so we know how to do things properly.

Esher looked big and good so I helped Dix with the team talk. He knows I used to play for really good teams and he really respects my input. I could tell all the guys appreciated it too. Dobbin especially. The game kicked off at a thousand miles per hour and we were hitting the rucks really well - I had told the lads to do that. Esher were looking to spread it wide and they scored a try because our defensive alignment was a bit poor. I told the lads this and they all appreciated my input. It was a really tight game but Cornish's rucking and tackling was a lot better than in previous weeks. Everyone was saying well played to people like Smythy, Dix and Spindles and I was really pleased because I had inspired them to do that. We then let in another try because a couple of their guys could run really fast. I used to be able to do that :-(.

We regrouped and went again, and good a bit of luck when really good chasing by me led to a turnover and a counter attack. There was a big gap on their blindside which I saw before everyone else because my reading of the game is really good. Dougie passed to me and I crashed over from 5 yards out for a really good try :-). Everyone was saying well done to Jack and I didn't mind because it's a team game and he did OK too. Barts and Dix asked me why I didn't go under the posts but I know they were just giving banter (I am really good at banter) and the first ten yards are in the head anyway. They then got a try and I can't remember much about it. We then got another try when Pony passed me the ball and I did a really good kick in field for Reg to extend his Go Go Gadget arms and dive on the ball for a try. Everyone was saying well done to Pony for a really good run and again I didn't mind because it's a team game and I'm a really good team player ;-). We had a try disallowed just before the break which got Dobbin and Dix really upset and that made me sad :-(.

At half time Mowers went off and I was really sad because he's a really good mate and we have really good banter. But Euro Phil was still on which made me happy because we have really good banter too (except when the veins pop up on his head which means he is really angry and scary and I have to go and hide behind Dix for a bit) and Oli Westray came on too and he really likes to tackle and that's great because tackling is a Good Thing (except when I have to do it or when someone does it to me and grabs hold of my balls, which really hurts and makes me cry a little bit). Both teams kept on battling at each other and Dobbin was still really annoyed (like someone had stolen his Times before the game) and him and Shieldy and Randall Magoo and all the other forwards worked really hard. I joined in a ruck at one point and pushed really hard. No-one said anything but I know they all thought it was really good, but they know I used to play for really good teams and so they kind of expect me to do good things.

Barts was running the back line really well (I had told him that a fly half should do that) and Mazur came on and did some really good box kicks (I hadn't told him to do that but I told him well done afterwards and he looked really pleased). After a while Rich Driver intercepted the ball and ran very fast to score a try that put us only two points behind :-). I shouted a little then and that got everyone pumped up. We kept on battling and the forwards were manful and good and Pony played as well as he looks (that's really good by the way because he's a really good looking guy). We then won a penalty in the last minutes under the posts. I cleverly tried to take a quick tap and everyone was really impressed (they said they weren't and I shouldn't have done it but I think it was just banter) but the referee told me to stop. Mazur stepped up to take a kick for three points but had forgotten to put studs in his boots and he slipped over as he kicked it and he missed the kick and we lost the game by two points rather than win it by one. I gave him lots of banter for that and he laughed and really liked me.

Dix told the team afterwards that we could be really proud of the way we played because we fought hard and improved in the areas we weren't very good at previously. That made me a little bit happy and I think he is OK for a ginger guy (and besides I really like twiglets and how they smell). I gave out lots of good banter in the changing rooms afterwards and everyone laughed but I had to go home straightaway afterwards because my wife doesn't let me stay out much nowadays :-(. Everyone was really sad to see me go and I could tell that because they were making the army "double time" gesture at my car because they wanted me to come back really quick. I can't wait for next week and for all the banter. LOL.

Dukes: Davidson, Owers, Spindler, Webster, Dixon (c), Studt, Shield, Smyth, Phillips, Bartram, Driver, The Showpony, Clark, Mc Hugh, Wyatt, S: Mazur, Westray, Randall